Growing up, I hated math.
There was nothing elegant, aesthetic, or interesting about mathematics. At best, it was computations and rules; at worst, it was contrived and confusing. People would say "math is deep", but it lacked the depth of any Shakespearean sonnet. One cannot contemplate the answer to a algebraic problem in the same manner as one can wrestle with the philosophical beliefs of Plato. Despite this, mathematical prowess is objectified, envied, and - to some extent - worshiped. My problems with mathematics were not operational in nature, but more philosophical and motivational - I didn't see the point.
My mathematical contentions were brought to a head when I was 16; my parents decided to enroll me in an Introduction to Algebra class at the local community college.
I still remember the first day of class. I was terrified. I sat at an awkward right-handed writing desk (I am left handed) for an uncomfortable amount of time before my teacher showed up. When Ms. Subocz did finally show up, she spent what seemed like a lifetime going over the syllabus; anxiety and tension mounted as we neared the end when I knew that the actual math would start. I'm not sure what I expected, but what followed was not it.
When Ms. Subocz put down her syllabus, she did not pick up a piece of chalk; nor did she open her textbook; she took a seat on the edge of her table. "Algebra it not about solving for x" she began. "It's about learning a systematic way of approaching problems." Our first 'problems' were to sort numbers into categories: whole numbers, natural numbers, rationals. This wasn't the algebra I knew - I could handle this. We progressed to simplifying, determining slopes, expanding, and factoring, but it was always evident why we might want to do such. It still was not beautiful, but it was a start.
It was fear that held me back for so long in mathematics. Fear of not understanding; fear of asking questions; fear of failure. Ironically, it was that fear of failure that drove me to failure. It's okay for a student to backtrack a few chapters to study a concept again. It's far better to take a 'remedial' class or two and lay down a solid foundation than it is to struggle through a class without fully (or even partially) grasping the concept. When I said "I hate math" what I really meant was "I'm scared of math." Ten years and numerous graduate classes within the field later, I'm still scared, but I've had to learn that it's okay - everyone's scared.
